I woke up thinking negatively about my job. Thought about it all the way into work today. Then I got to a point in my commute where a bunch of firemen were collecting money for kids suffering from Spinal Muscular Atrophy. I thought, is god giving me a sign to stop worrying about my job. These children have a tough life and I am worrying about my inconsequential problems. I took it as a sign and my day went pretty smoothly. There were of course times that all I could think about were what I was going to do when I lost my job.
But on balance it went really well. And then the CEO showed up. And you know what happened, NOTHING. It was like a normal day to everyone else. What a moron I am. So I go on with my life and my job. I am sure tomorrow something else will make me crazy.
I have come to a point in my life where I see the worst possible outcome in most events. I start a project at home and foresee failure. I go for a workout and expect a heart attack with the smallest chest pain. I have a pain in my arm and I think heart problems. I go to by something and automatically think I am being taken advantage of. I plan an event with the family and think something will go wrong. It is the worst at work. I see a closed door meeting and think it is my bosses talking about me, about a failed project. A client doesn’t speak to me at a large meeting I think what did I do wrong. In actuality none of these things have anything to do with me. I have no problems, but my mind is out of control.
Tomorrow the CEO and HR director will be coming to our office and my immediate thought is that I am going to be laid off.
I have to get over this.
Up at 3:16. Tossing and turning for an hour thinking about all I need to do. Work is crazy these days. I am up to my eyeballs in tasks. But as we say in engineering, “It is good to be busy.” Ha. A colleague of mine says that statement is like a slave saying to another, “At least we are alive.”
I am working on 7 projects with more in the pipeline and no end in site. I have 2 projects that I acquired from a former employee of the company. I was assigned them when they went to bid. So while I was learning about the project, I had to answer contractor questions about the project. Finding problems has required significant design on one of the projects. The worst part is that the project budget is nearly expended and the work is done on my own time.
Today I will be touching in some way all 5 of the projects. Then I have rehab for my bad back. I need to remember to call the doctor to schedule a visit to look at my sinus problems, then off to Freshman Orientation for my youngest son.
After all that I will be taking the dog for a walk to relieve some of the adrenaline I have coursing through my veins and try to work through some of the project issues I have. Hopefully this will let me sleep later than 3 am.
I own a dog and can’t imagine our house without him there. I can’t imagine why we didn’t get a dog sooner. But God works in mysterious ways.
Our dog is a black lab and one of the best dogs around. He is a mix of some sort but we are not sure a mix of what. He was adopted after being turned into the SPCA because he was too much work for his owner. We have really ben blessed. But I am not a dog lover in the normal sense. I don’t treat him like one of my kids. But he acts like one sometimes. It is great that when I come home from anywhere he acts like I have been gone a year. That tail is wagging so hard his whole body is moving. It was like when my kids were toddlers. They acted the same way.
In any event, I found this post on a site called “Reshareworthy” from a link of a blog I read daily. It is a great post. It is called 20 Essential Facts Dog Lovers Must Always Remember.
This would be a great trail to hike today.
Many times I have heard that today’s cars are less safe than yesterday’s cars. The primary reasoning behind the argument is that the older cars were heavier and had more steel in them. This video dispels that myth. Watch to the end and see what happens to the dummy in the 1959 car as compared to the dummy in the 2009 car. Very eye opening.